How to Be More to a Girl Than Just a Friend and Get Out of the Friend Zone !!!

Overview

I love coaching guys who end up in the friend zone too often, because they really are usually great people with good hearts who genuinely care about others, and they're some of the most rewarding guys to see start getting results with women. Usually they just need a bit of a tweak in the way they're looking at things when it comes to the opposite sex.

First thing's first: this is an ezine article, so I'm going to make the assumption that you don't have much exposure to the mindset of approaching success with women as a skill, so let's start with that.

Success with women is like success with everything else you're good at right now - it's learned. Think of anything you're good at - sports, arts, a musical instrument, something you do with computers or a game you play with friends. Think back to when you first started doing it. Remember how awful you were? Even driving a car, riding a bike, walking on two feet - at some point in the distant past for you, those things were extremely challenging, daunting tasks. But you worked hard, persisted at them, and mastered them. Getting girls works exactly the same way as everything else in this world - the guys who work at it the hardest are the guys who get the best at it.

Neither I nor any of the men I've taught were born with the ability to get girls - we learned it, through hard work, sweat, perseverance, and dogged persistence. Can't say it was exactly easy, but, well - little in life worth having is, and women are, in my opinion, something worth having, and something worth working for.

More Than a Friend

Let's give you some basics on what women are looking for with men that ought to give you a bit to think about and start focusing on developing in yourself. These are the qualities that the men women go for - both the jerks, and the very suave, charming guys with good hearts, like you aim to be (hopefully you don't want to be a jerk!) - possess:

• Challenge. Just like no guy wants a girl who's too "easy to get", nor does a girl want a guy who's too easy to get, either. Men who are a little challenging are attractive to women. If a girl asks two guys if they like her, the guy who answers, "I sure do!" with eagerness is going to seem a lot less appealing than the guy who answers, "Maybe..." with a sly smile and a mysterious tone. A big part of being successful with women is finding the right balance, and this is the same - you don't want to be so much of a challenge that a girl gives up, but you also don't want to be so easy that she loses interest. Give her a little light teasing, and don't be afraid to challenge a bit. She won't run away; in fact, she's much more likely to run after you than away from you.


• Leadership. One of the qualities women respond very well to in men that most guys who end up frequently in the friend zone haven't developed is leadership. For meeting and succeeding with girls, we'll define leadership as giving commands to women and having them followed, as well as inspiring women to do more for you. Most nice guys give much, but don't ask for anything in return. Both jerks and confident guys with good hearts, though, tend to demand at least as much from women as they give in return. If this is uncharted territory for you, start out with small commands, and build up. Telling women things like, "Sit with me," or, "Tell me a little about your day," are some easy ways to start building leadership with women. You can still do for girls, but make sure they're doing at least as much for you too. If they ask you to help with something, ask them to cook you a meal or bring you some food.


• Risqué. Another big difference between friendly guys and sexy guys is edge. Friendly guys tend to shy away from anything dangerous, sexual, or edgy, because they're afraid of scaring women off. And in fact, you will scare some women off as you make yourself a little edgier - but the women who stay are far more likely to be a lot warmer to and interested in you than the women who hang around being friends with nice guys. Gradually ramp up the edge factor in your dealings with women. Nice guys who are just friends are safe and harmless. Jerks, bad boys, and suave James Bond types are not. Add a little edge to your personality - study how sexy men use nonverbal communication (I recommend Sean Connery's and Pierce Brosnan's James Bond characters, and Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder for this), and add some implied sexual humor without being overly obvious (again, check out Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder - he's great at flying just under the radar with it).


• Urgency. Men who get girls also have one other distinguishing characteristic - they move fast, and they work to get women moving around with them, going home with them, and in bed with them. Men who move too slow and wait around get slotted firmly into "just a friend" territory. If you want to stay out of the friend zone, you absolutely, positively, must invite girls to move around with you, sit with you, go out with you, go home with you. And you must make a move, sooner or later (the sooner the better). Women tend to have only a certain window of time they're open and available to any one man, and if the man takes too long, that window closes and is now shut to him. If you've ever had a girl who seemed to really like you, but you didn't do anything and her interest in you disappeared, you've experienced what I'm talking about. Keep that in mind the next time you're about to hesitate - fortune really does favor the bold, particularly with women.


• Persistence. Sister to urgency, persistence is another vital trait of men who do well with women. It's both a sign of confidence and a sign to a girl that you really do like her and aren't just wasting her time, and it's just generally an important quality for succeeding and getting the things you want in life in general. Have you ever had someone ask you to do something, and you said, "No, no, no... I'll just stay here," but you really wanted them, in fact, to ask you a few more times and just get you to go with them? Women, believe it or not, do this a lot; many girls think that if they resist a little bit, it makes them look much better and far more feminine. Unfortunately, a lot of guys don't realize this, and give up after one "no", which is tragic; the girl is often left sitting there thinking, "What? I thought he was going to ask me again... I didn't really mean I didn't want to go!" You may have even had this happen before - you might've asked a girl to go somewhere with you, perhaps, and she said, "No, I can't, I'm just too tired," and you gave up, but had you persisted and asked a few more times, she would have said yes and accompanied you and the two of you might have ended up together or become boyfriend-girlfriend or who knows. Most of the women you will get together with will say "no" the first time you ask them to do something - you must be at least a little persistent. Asking once is rarely enough!

If you start working to possess these qualities, I guarantee you will begin having less women slotting you into the friend zone, and more women slotting you into the "potential boyfriend / lover" zone. These are the qualities of a strong, attractive man, and they're qualities that are not natural, but rather developed. Men who have them can lose them, following a string of bad luck; and men who don't have them can gain them, following a little hard work and an idea of where they want to get to.

Homework

If you've come this far, the next step is to start making some changes. So let's get to it! Here's a few important items I'd like to see you start off with:

• Start being a challenge. You can begin with a few simple ways of challenging women more, like asking questions in response to their questions (e.g., a girl asks you how old you are, and you ask back, "What do you think? Take a guess") or using a little light teasing (e.g., a girl tells you she's studying to be a doctor, and you can say something silly like, "I guess you must like cutting people"). Don't overdo the teasing though, or she can start feeling like you don't take her seriously. Seek to find balance between giving her a little bit of a hard time, and showing genuine interest in her.


• Start giving some simple commands. Get girls moving around with you. Have them come sit with you to talk. Ask them for little things like a sip from their drink or to borrow their pen. Take anything you might normally ask, and turn it into a command; instead of saying, "Can I get your number?" say, "Here, let me grab your number."

Get these down and you'll be well on your way to being a suave, charming guy women have a hard time resisting - and before you know it, the phrase "just a friend" will be something you only remember with a slight smile and a hint of a laugh....